#7: Literary Novellas (Books)

So--in trying to decide what book I should read next, I found myself asking, WDHR? (What do hipsters read, obvi, don’t pretend like my acronyms are hard to decipher.) And I really had to think about it. To begin with, I know I cannot find an acceptable book at the Borders final-closing-clearance-sale (an event in itself that is a hipster victory?), so I would have to either scour Amazon or find one of those tiny, one-man indie operations (in Silverlake) stocked with friends/local-only-about-100-copies-printed-ever books.

The thing is though, I take my book-reading very seriously; I don’t want to take too much of a risk. When I choose to invest in a book (I refuse to buy a kindle, I am not sure if that is a hipster or non-hipster stance to take), I want to be pretty positive I’ll like it. I also want to recommend it to friends. If I find something on Amazon, I can do the recommending part with relative ease. If I go to the limitedly-stocked store in the middle of nowhere (aka Echo Park), not so much. But the unavailability of a book is probably what makes it fit the genre.  That, and the “supporting your own” mindset behind buying a “struggling” author’s work (I know, there were a lot of air quotes in that sentence, bear with me), as "writer" is one of the few acceptable jobs a hipster can hold (fyi, future post examining such jobs to come). Another perk of visiting the brick-and-mortar store itself is that I can literally judge a book by its cover, which is my tried-and-true way of determining whether I will enjoy it or not. I know, that is the opposite of what your kindly mother always told you to do. But it has proved to be an accurate starting point in my 20-some-odd years of literary consumption, so I will stick with it.

I like to touch my books (shut up, it’s not creepy), read a few parts of my choosing (not just the blurb a website gives you), and compare/contrast it with its surrounding friends. And then carry them all around the store for a few minutes until I decide which will win. I purchase one or two based on price (I’m cheap), length of book (I need it to last more than one day, although if it’s good, it never will), and what kind of story I am in the mood for at that time in my life (usually something depressing and/or true). You see, I like fiction, but I really need to trust an author to be hopeful about it. I have “discovered” a few that I like (Elliot Perlman, if you’re reading this, please put out a new book and make this what-to-choose post obsolete), but for the most part, I go with nonfiction takes on pop culture and the like (it is probably not a hipster thing to love Chuck Klosterman as much as I do). I don’t think hipsters read nonfiction books. And after this extremely long post, I am actually not even sure how many hipsters read “books.” Sure, they read those local underground ‘zines, and blogs, and short stories. But books? Hard to say. This is why I need to befriend one already, and find the answers to my questions before it’s too late. Pretty sure 35 (not that I am close to that!) is the cutoff age for being a hipster. They retire from not working early.

I guess until then, I am going to read DC Pierson’s book, as I am pretty sure it semi-qualifies as hipster-approved (always designated by a twitter-esque verified checkmark, drawn by Banksy). Now taking recommendations for my next ✔ Verified literary novella....

#6: Yelp

Just a quick topical post. Yelp recently added a "Hipster" topic among its standard "trendy" "casual" "dressy" subheadings for depicting a location's ambiance. First of all, (and slightly off topic) I really think "Douche-y" should have been announced first. That would be a much more useful categorization of places to avoid, or in my case, frequent in search of my ideal man. Secondly, a place cannot be hipster and trendy at the same time. It's against the laws of nature. This is not an opinion, it is a hipster-given fact. Literally, if a trend and a hipster ever come into physical contact with each other, the hipster immediately explodes. I've seen it, don't question me. And yet every. single. place. reviewed on Yelp that is "trendy" is also classified "hipster," and vice versa. What is truly ironic though, is that once something is reviewed on Yelp, it can no longer even be hipster. So you can tell by simply reading the classification (or being on Yelp in general) that a "hipster" locale is not going to be what you're looking for. Hipsters don’t need Yelp to tell them whether something's worth going to. They only rely on that one trustworthy friend who's friends with this kid who underground-DJs on the weekends to know where the cool places are to be (but only on weekdays, hipsters have a very "I'm City, you must be Bridge-and-Tunnel" outlook on going out). Good try Yelp, but you're not fooling anyone. Well, actually, you're probably fooling a lot of people, but not this hipster-in-training.

Let me know when you get that "Douche-y" tag up and running though.